How to honour the dead?

LIFE IS MEANT TO BE A COMPLETE STORY WITH ITS SHARE OF joys, sorrows, ambitions and achievements. After going through childhood, middle age, and old age, all people have to leave this world one day. Whatever be the age of a person, he or she is missed the most by the family. Irrespective of the contribution of each person towards family and society, that person's life leaves an indelible mark on the lives of those who came in contact with him or her. The family forms a sort of a cocoon from where an individual contributes his share to the external world. The family also gains from it, and each member builds from the spiritual and material endowment left behind by the father, mother, brother, sister, grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunt so as to take hold of and anchor one's life. One should be proud of one's ancestors for one has gained from them one way or another. Amongst all the gay and happy occasions, like festivals, marriage and engagements, one should not bring forth too much the memory of those who have left this world, for a sense of gloom may descend on the gathering. Life must go on with a joyful note; but those who have gone, having given so much to us, must not be allowed to fade away, and should be remembered with reverence and dignity, creating an atmosphere of happy memories.

 

On a special day, we invite those who have departed, to be a part of the family. In their honour, a feast befitting the sanctity of their abode in the heavens is given once a year. The Hindus set aside sixteen days in a year which are known as 'Shraadhs', 'Pitrapaksh' or 'Kanaagath'. The Tith, or the date (according to the Hindu calendar) of death is considered as the Shraadh of that particular person. The waning period of the moon during the month of Kwar, plus the Purnima of the previous fortnight, form the period of Shraadhs. They fall somewhere in August or September. The sixteen days include the Tith of death, irrespective of the waxing or waning of the moon. We have Purnima, Parva, Dooj, Teej, Chauth, Panchami, Chat, Saptami, Ashtami, Navami, Dashmi, Ekadashi, Dwadashi, Treodashi, Chaturdashi, and Amavas. One can find out from the jantri (almance) or from the panditji, the corresponding dates according to the English calendar and note them down against the name of each individual who is to be honoured. Individually, on the Tith of each person, the ceremony can be performed. There may be a common date for two or three persons.

 

On the appointed day a pandit or panditani - as the case may be - is invited as a special guest, and he or she personifies the departed soul. The pandit or panditani is chosen because he or she is supposed to belong to the learned class and does not fall in the material category. Such persons are supposed to be aloof from monetary and other worldly desires. They are supposed to keep erring society in a 'spiritual sphere' by their teaching and guidance. Hence, they are to be honoured, and looked after, by society itself. They supposedly are the people fit to represent those who have gone away from this world.

 

Let us now come to the actual ceremony, which is done on the day of Kanaagath, or Shraadh of the person to be remembered. This ceremony is not performed in the puja room, but in any other room arranged for this purpose. The chosen room is cleaned properly, and sponged with water. No one should be allowed to wear any footwear inside this room. A low table or chowki is placed be covered by a clean tablecloth, and flowers arranged on it. Agarbatti or dhoop is lighted near the photograph(s) and a small thaali containing roli and rice is kept nearby. There is no need of aipun or water since only teeka is put on the photograph(s), which has (have) been cleaned with a wet cloth and garlanded.

 

A carpet or durrie is spread in front. A place for the panditji is made by placing a clean rug on one side. On the other side, two rugs are placed for the couple performing the Shraadh. The others can sit on the durrie. Custom has it that the eldest male member does the Shraadh, and the lady of the house runs around collecting the items required during the ceremony, but this author has seen, at Badrinath, that both the husband and wife do the Shraadh together. The relatives of the wife are also to be honoured similarly, even in the husband's house (on their respective Tiths).

The woman along with her husband does the turpun (offering of water), for both sides of the family. One turpun is also done for Bhishma Pitamah, who died without getting married and had no children. To honour him, and to remember him, is the duty of every Indian, for he lived for the betterment of the people, without caring for himself. Any childhood friend is also remembered. In fact, at Badrinath, each one has to make twenty-two rice balls in memory of at least three generations on both sides of the wife's family. Badrinath is one of the four great piligrimage dhaams set up by Adhi shankracharaya. Visiting the four Dhaams during once lifetime leads to Moksha. Badhrinath is the abode of Vishnu the preserver. The kitchen is also clean properly, and the person cooking should take bath early, and wear clean clothes. On this day, No onion, garlic or turmeric is used. All vegeterian food is allowed. Whatever is made in the house is of the choice of dead person who is been honoured is only cooked like Mithai and Puri Halwa.

 

The Quantity of food should be enough for the whole family, as this food is taken as Prasad by everyone, and it comprises the afternoon meal. The Pandit is taken to the room where the ceremony is to be perfomed. Here he asks for items such as banana leafs, roli, rice and flowers, a saucepan, one pitcher or jug filled with water Agarwati , dhoop, and oil for the lamp. The thaal with all the cooked items neatly served in Katories, is placed as prasad. The Panditji applies the tika on the photograph and then garlands it. Then he applies tika on the forehead of those who are doing the shraadhs. He chants the mantras ask the gods navgrahas the departed soul, to come and grace the occasion. Panditji should know his job thoroughly. If a pandit is not available, then one may close one's eyes in rememberance of the person whose Shraadh is being performed, and pray for his/her soul. Water is offered to the departed soul by pouring it onto the right hand and letting it fall into the saucepan amidst the chanting of Sanskrit slokas, if a pandit is available, otherwise by just concentrating on the well-being of the departed soul. This is known as turpun. From the cooked food, four shares are apportioned on four different banana leaves. Each part consists of half a puri with a bit of other eatables - one is for the cow, one for the crow, one for the dog and one for the ants. This concept embraces the idea of all living beings being partners in this world, and shareholders in the realm of man.

 

The panditji then eats whatever he wants. He should be looked after very well. He should feel very welcome, and be content with the food. When he has finished, fruit and money (as one desires) can be given. Now he chants some more slokas asking the souls to return to their abode in heaven. The leftovers and a little extra food are sent along with the panditji to his house. The rest of the family now sits for their meal, which is not in the room of the ceremony, but in the dining room. The photograph, etc., are left in the ceremony room to enable the children and others coming back from their places of study or occupation to do pranam and pay their respects.

 

It may be difficult to set individual dates for each person to be so honoured. Hence on Amavas, the last day of the Shraadhs, or on the Tith of the most revered member of the family, the ceremony can be done at one time for all departed souls. Even if one has remember the Tith, then again on Amavas, the ceremony can be performed.

 

If, however, there is no way of conducting the ceremony then one can send to the mandir, or to any pandit, what is called seedha, i.e., uncooked food like potatoes, green vegetables, white radish, curd, lemon, ginger, wheat atta along with oil, mithai and money. This can be done for every one individually on their Tith. In case one desires to do it all at once, then, again, on Amavas the seedha can be given.

 

Finally, one should remember that in societies all over the world, there are always ways and means and occasions to honour the dead in some manner or the other. Do not make this a sad occasion, but a soulcleansing one and a day of remembrance for the whole family. Sisters and brothers are invited along with their families on such a day. However, no money is given to sisters.

 

So ends a day in memory of those who have given us life. During the year of a death no 'Sharaad' is observed during the 'Sharaad period' for the recently dead, but every month a pandit or panditani - as the case may be - is fed and respected as is done during the yearly ' Sharaads' on the 'Tith' of the departed. This is a private affair of the immediate family, but a 'Havan' the extended family members are also invited. A Sharaad lunch is organized for everyone. After the first year the 'Sharaad' is designated to the 'Sharaad period' for future observance. For any individual whose date of death has not been determined i.e. in case of war etc. the 'Tith' is observed as it is on the day the news is received.